58: Fun Up Here

58: Fun Up Here

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Angels and Miracles

Fun Up Here

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.

~Eskimo Proverb

I dressed my ever growing body in stretchy dress clothes and headed out for another day at the office. As I began my thirty-minute commute, I quickly drove by my parents’ house two streets over and noticed my mother’s black sedan parked in the driveway. I recalled she had mentioned the prior evening that she was experiencing a headache. I cracked a smile and called her to poke fun at her for playing hooky from work for a mere headache. The phone wasn’t answered.

I had a new employee starting, and things were busy at work. But a couple of hours later I phoned again. There was still no answer. For reasons I will never be able to explain, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. I called my father, and although he thought I was being overly dramatic, he drove home to check on my mother.

She was gone, at age sixty-three. A massive aneurysm had killed her.

I remember yelling, “How could this happen? I’m nine months pregnant!” I had experienced two miscarriages, and this miracle baby was days away from arriving — my mother’s first grandchild.

The night after my mother passed, my best friend had a dream and she desperately wanted to tell me about it. I was not emotionally stable enough, so I politely asked her if she could share her dream with me another time.

Twelve days later, my son was born. It was surreal. I had lost my mother, and now I was a mother. I didn’t know how I could possibly collect myself enough to take care of another human being. I wanted my mom. I wanted her to meet her grandson. I felt alone, and I felt intensely angry that she was gone.

Weeks went by and I tried to settle into a routine, but in all honesty, it was a very trying time.

Again my friend nagged me to let her tell me about her dream. I finally relented and said, “I will try to listen.”

“In my dream your mom appeared holding the hands of two children. The boy was taller and older than the girl. Your mom said, ‘Tell Nicole we are having fun up here.”’

I wept. My mother was in heaven taking care of the two children I had miscarried. I was wrong the entire time — she might not have met my third child yet, but she got to meet the first two children, the ones I hadn’t known. There was a sense of relief that my children were in the hands of the best mother I have ever known.

I still grieve, and I still have incredibly difficult days, but I smile thinking about my three loves up in heaven. My angels are “having fun up here.”

~Nicole Vickers

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