86: My Dear “Deer” Mom

86: My Dear “Deer” Mom

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Best Mom Ever!

My Dear “Deer” Mom

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.

~Eskimo Proverb

The deer had been visiting my back yard for years. They always hung out in the very back of the yard, as far away from the house as possible. I loved to watch these beautiful creatures from the window of my dining room, and I was always careful not to spook them since they are very timid around people. However, there were times when my husband Dave or I would walk into the back yard not realizing the deer were there. As soon as the deer noticed us, they would became very nervous and quickly run away.

My mom also loved the deer. I used to call her whenever the deer were visiting, and I would send pictures to her cell phone so that she could see them, too. Her voice would be filled with such excitement and I could just imagine the big smile on her face. Talking about the deer and seeing the deer made her so happy! It became a fond ritual of ours to enjoy the beauty of the deer in my back yard together.

When my mom passed I lost my faith. I was in a very dark place emotionally and spiritually. I was incredibly angry and could not understand why God took my beautiful mom away from our family and from all of her friends who cherished and loved her. She was the most kind, warmhearted and selfless person you could ever know. It wasn’t fair that she was gone. I have never experienced such excruciating pain as the loss of my mom.

The last several months of her life were spent in a hospital bed. She was bedridden and couldn’t walk. After she passed, I couldn’t get over the anger and sadness I felt about her suffering. I constantly questioned the injustice of it all.

One night, I was trying to relax and had fallen asleep on the couch while watching TV. When I woke up, I started thinking about my mom again, crying so hard I began hyperventilating. I couldn’t get my anxiety under control. I was still so upset over what she had endured at the end.

Suddenly, Dave and I noticed that the motion light in the back yard had turned on. We thought that the deer might be there. Dave walked to the dining room window to look outside. He did not see any deer, and then the motion light turned off.

For some reason, I got up from the couch and looked out the living room window. I knew the deer never went in the front yard, because they didn’t like to be so close to the house. But something compelled me to look anyway.

My face was very close to the window when all of a sudden I saw a beautiful deer walk alongside the garage from the back of the house, turn into our driveway, walk under the front awning and stop. The deer then turned its body and face toward the window and stood there looking straight at me. I was in awe! This beautiful deer just stood and stared at me for several minutes, her nose practically touching the window. It felt as though she were smiling at me as she bobbled her head and flicked her tail, never taking her eyes off me.

At the very moment I noticed the deer walking toward me, I stopped crying and started smiling. And at the very moment the deer turned to look at me in the window, I felt an enormous sense of peace and calm come over me, like nothing I’d ever felt before. For the first time since my mom passed I believed she was okay and that she was still with me. And if those several moments of the deer looking in the window at me were not incredible enough, the deer then turned and ran into the front yard and started playing in the snow! It was then that I also realized my mom was no longer in pain or unable to walk. She could not only walk again, but she could jump and run.

Two more deer came out of nowhere to join in the fun, and all three deer were jumping and playing in the snow together. They looked so carefree. It was an amazing sight! I believe my mom wanted to reassure me that she had been reunited with her family in the afterlife and that she was happy and free.

Since then I’ve had more deer sightings when I’ve needed them most. The deer appear at times when I am missing my mom or when I start worrying about her again. And each and every time the deer show up, I feel my mom’s love comforting me.

Seeing the deer has lifted the dark cloud of sadness, anger, and grief I had been under and allowed me to start healing. And, knowing that my mom and I shared such special moments during those earlier times when the deer would visit my back yard, it thrills me to know that I have a continuing connection with her through the deer who visit me today.

~Kim Goodrich

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