64: Online

64: Online

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Country Music

Online

Story by Chris DuBois

Song written by Brad Paisley, Kelley Lovelace, and Chris DuBois

Recorded by Brad Paisley

Brad had the idea for “Online,” so he and Kelley Lovelace and I started working on it together. It’s funny because I’d be surprised if any of the three of us have ever been in a chat room or anything like that, but you hear about people who are trying to be something they’re not online. The blessing and the curse of the Internet is that you can hide behind your computer screen and be whoever you want to be. It’s hard to do background checks on Facebook and Myspace and places like that.

So Brad came to us with the idea and we thought it would be really interesting to write something about somebody who was your basic computer guru, with limited social skills, who portrayed himself to be the complete opposite of that.

That song took a long, long time to write. It probably took about 12 to 15 writing sessions to finish — most of them at Kelley’s house.

When we write with Brad, it’s usually because he’s getting ready to cut a new album and he’s going to cut it if it’s good. That’s the beauty of having Brad in the room when you are writing, because he knows what he will and won’t say, so you don’t have to guess. When you are writing with another songwriter, you are constantly guessing about what an artist may be willing to say, so it’s always nice to have the artist in the room with you.

Brad had gotten to know Jason Alexander when Jason was in his video for the song “Celebrity,” so while we were writing the song, we were already talking about the video and all the cool things we could do. We thought Jason would be the perfect guy to cast as the pizza guy in the video. Jason also was able to get Estelle Harris, who played his mother, Mrs. Costanza, on Seinfeld, to be in the video, along with William Shatner. That was a hoot. Seeing the video getting made was almost as much fun as writing the song!

Online

I work down at the Pizza Pit

And I drive an old Hyundai

I still live with my mom and dad

I’m 5 foot 3 and overweight

I’m a sci-fi fanatic

A mild asthmatic

And I’ve never been to second base

But there’s whole ’nother me

That you need to see

Go checkout MySpace

’Cause online I’m out in Hollywood

I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good

I drive a Maserati

I’m a black-belt in karate

And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I’m mysterious

I tell them I don’t want nothing serious

’Cause even on a slow day

I could have a three-way

Chat with two women at one time

I’m so much cooler online

So much cooler online

When I get home, I kiss my mom

And she fixes me a snack

And I head down to my basement bedroom

And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A.

Is when I got the chance with the marching band

To play tuba in the Rose Parade

But online, I live in Malibu

I pose for Calvin Klein, I’ve been in GQ

I’m single and I’m rich

And I’ve got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I’m mysterious

I tell them I don’t want nothing serious

’Cause even on a slow day

I could have a three-way

Chat with two women at one time

I’m so much cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

When you got my kind of stats

It’s hard to get a date

Let alone a real girlfriend

But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight

Every time I login

Online

I’m out in Hollywood

I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good

Even on a slow day

I could have a three-way

Chat with two women at one time

I’m so much cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

I’m so much cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

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