100: I Finally See Him

100: I Finally See Him

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Devotional Stories for Wives

I Finally See Him

By MJ Wagner

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

~2 Corinthians 12:9

My perception of men had been altered because of my upbringing. I grew up with a belief that all men had a temper and were to be feared. So I built up walls. In my marriage, I had always kept my husband at a distance, never wanting him to get too close emotionally. I acted like the strong one in the household because I felt safer that way.

We had been married for ten years when a health crisis left me unable to do anything physical for the better part of three years. My husband had to take care of everything, including me. I hated myself because I couldn’t be the woman I used to be. I liked feeling in control, but I could no longer control anything. I felt so useless, but my husband just kept saying, “I love you, and that’s all that matters. Don’t give up. I’ll take care of you.”

Even though he said this repeatedly, it took me a long time to believe him. I had never really trusted him until I was brought to this place of vulnerability and was forced to see him as he really is: my protector, comforter, and best friend.

Through those difficult years, God showed me that I had had a distorted view of my husband. I learned that my husband was both strong and gentle. He was wise enough to understand my deepest fears and strong enough to take care of things when my physical health became compromised.

I had closed off so much of myself that when he needed to take care of me physically, I didn’t know how to accept this new role. However, I noticed something happening inside of me. My husband said, “You’re nicer and kinder than you used to be.”

Up until that point, I hadn’t realized I had been hard on him. But my eyes were opened in a way that made me know God was working a miracle in our marriage. He knew I needed a man with a soft touch, but that I couldn’t receive it until I was brought to a place where I had nowhere else to look but to my husband. And when I did, all I saw was the heart of God.

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