33: Lucifer’s Lady

33: Lucifer’s Lady

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: I Can't Believe My Cat Did That!

Lucifer’s Lady

Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?

~Henry Finck

Lucifer was in love with Grandma. Lucky Grandma — she had to be the only human being on the planet who he did love.

Lucifer had come to us as a swaggering buccaneer of a kitten. Dressed in a pristine black-and-white tux with white spats, he was a fine figure of a tom, and he knew it. Normally, I am an excellent judge of character when it comes to cats, but boy, did I make a whopper of a mistake in choosing him. The first night we had him, he jumped on the counter, relieved himself on the carpet, scratched the furniture, and bit someone. Thus his name. We thought that surely, we could cure him of such bad habits. For the second time, I was wrong.

Lucifer grew up to be an attack cat. He hated people, regardless of the fact that they fed him, were responsible for his sleek appearance, and gave him a place to live. He snubbed my every advance. If ever a barbarian refused to become civilized, it was Lucifer. It was like living with a miniature Blackbeard who would whip out all his twenty swords whenever he saw you coming. He didn’t believe in sneak attacks, either. His strategy was full frontal assault, no matter how much bigger you were.

The one exception to his hatred was Grandma. From the first moment he laid eyes on her, he was smitten. He would lay down all weapons when she was around, twining happily around her ankles and purring.

Some women have a fatal attraction to the wrong kind of guy. Although she made an excellent choice in Grandpa, when it comes to black-and-white cats, Grandma is a lost cause. And so, the rest of the family looked on in amazement while Grandma was able to snuggle and love the outlaw.

Then came the night he was snubbed.

Grandma and I were standing outside admiring the stars. It was a remarkably clear evening, and it seemed as though you could see the whole of the Milky Way. Lucifer found us in the driveway, and discovering that he was in the presence of his beloved, he put on his best behavior. So, I picked him up. He purred and glared at me.

I was standing right beside Grandma, and seeing his opportunity, Lucifer nimbly stepped out of my arms and right onto Grandma’s shoulder. She didn’t seem to really notice. He stepped from one shoulder to the other, and still she didn’t react.

Finding the lady to be apparently responding so well, and unable to hold himself back any longer, Lucifer reached his nose around planted a whiskery kiss right on Grandma’s lips.

I guess I don’t blame him. I understand that stars can be romantic. But really, he should have known better. At this sudden show of affection, Grandma shrieked, the cat went flying off into the shadows, and I picked myself up from a spasm of hysterics a few moments later.

Grandma explained afterward that she had thought Lucifer tripping across her shoulders was me putting my arm around her. So the spontaneous smooch was a surprise in more way than one.

As for Lucifer, his pride — if not his ardor — was greatly wounded. But the incident taught him to treat his love with more respect and he made no more such advances.

~L. Stewart

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