She Was Waiting

She Was Waiting

From A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul

She Was Waiting

Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.

German Proverb

I loved you when you were just an idea, just a dream of future motherhood. I loved planning, wondering what you would look like. It was hard to imagine holding your tiny body, actually creating a little person. Yet I knew that someday you would become a reality, someday my dream of becoming a mother would come true.

When that day came I felt I was dreaming. I couldn’t believe you actually were. I rubbed my tummy and talked to you. I thought about your due date, the day that I would actually be able to look at you and hold you, to finally see what you look like, my little child. Everything I did, I did for you. Everything I ate, every meal I made, I thought of you, the tiny life that I was feeding.

Your daddy and I planned your room, we picked out names, we started a savings for your future. We already loved you. We couldn’t wait to feel your miniature fingers squeezing our own. We looked forward to bathing your soft body, hearing your needy cries for us to nurture you.

We looked forward to your first steps, your first words, your first day at school. We yearned to help you with your homework and to go to your baseball games. It was hard for me to imagine my little child calling the man I love “Daddy.” These are the small things we saw in the future during those months that you were growing inside me. We loved you!

In one minute these dreams were taken from us. On a foggy morning at a routine ultrasound, we found out that you had stopped growing weeks before. You had, in fact, left us without us ever knowing it. All our thoughts and dreams for you had been in vain. But we still loved you! It took a long time to get over this shock. We were told that I could be pregnant again in only a few months. But we wanted you!

Eventually we realized that God hadn’t meant for us to have a child yet, that we would be more ready when it was meant to be. This comforted us, although we missed you. We had been excited about your arrival, but we could wait if it was meant to be. And we knew that when you did come, I would stay home with you and you would have had a better life, for your daddy would be able to finish school first. In this way, we finally accepted our loss.

It has been four years since that terrible loss. This morning, I sat in our wading pool with my three-year-old daughter. As I watched her tiny hands picking up scoops of water with her bucket, I marveled at her beautiful innocence. It truly was a miracle that we could be part of such a creation. Suddenly she looked at me very intently, and with a twinkle in her eye, she said, “Mommy, you weren’t ready for me the first time I came, were you?” I put my arms around my wonderful daughter, and through my tears I could only say, “No, but we missed you very much while you were gone.” We no longer have to mourn for our lost baby, for now I know that she has come back to us. This is the same child that we had fallen in love with so many years ago.

Sara Parker

You are currently enjoying a preview of this book.

Sign up here to get a Chicken Soup for the Soul story emailed to you every day for free!

Please note: Our premium story access has been discontinued (see more info).

view counter

More stories from our partners