A Proposal to Myself

A Proposal to Myself

From Chicken Soup for the College Soul

A Proposal to Myself

I am writing this the day before I know my fate—the day before I know the answer to what will happen in my life. I am writing this with my mind set that I will carry on and not let life pass me by. I am determined that I will see the world in every aspect that may be possible for me. I am sure that I will become something, even if the envelope that carries my life inside it gives me bad news.

I will not listen to those who insist that a university degree is the only way you will find a means of living these days. I will ignore those who tell me that I am a dreamer without a dream. I will tell myself that although I may not be accepted to college, I have seen the northern lights curtain themselves in front of me. I have tasted the wine in Paris and swum in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. I have been to an Irish pub, and I have watched the sun rise from the Roman Forum. I have climbed the Swiss Alps and counted the stars in the sky until I could see no more.

I have experienced what it is like to live, and I will tell myself that even if that envelope is small and exudes rejection, the person that they have rejected will carry on and go on to see more mountains and swim in more waters and keep on counting the stars, because somewhere it is written that I must continue to live my life the way I know how to.

The envelope that will reach my mailbox tomorrow will bring an answer that I am ready to bear with courage and self-respect. I will not cry, unless they be tears of joy for bidding good-bye to my childhood and welcoming in a new life—one that is mysterious and unknown. One that will teach me to grow and understand why things are the way they are. One that will filter out all my regrets and let my self-worth multiply.

I will be strong in my battle and not let little things bring me down. I will tell myself that it is okay to be scatterbrained once in a while and that sometimes the kindness you show will balance out your faults. I will know that I am a good person and that being smart doesn’t necessarily mean that you are accepted into college. I know who I am and there are brain surgeons who would be challenged sorting through my multi-faceted psyche.

I am independent by nature and a proud woman. I accept who I am. And whether or not I am accepted into college, I will be true to myself and to others around me. I will learn to carry on with every good-bye I say at school this week. I will remember my friends and acquaintances and idols, and I will wish them the best of luck in life.

The envelope that has yet to reach my house will not be a letter, but rather a decision that I will make with my life. I am confused, as are most people my age around this time, but I will not look back. I will only look toward tomorrow and greet each day, wherever I am, with a smile.

Sarah Lockyer

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