The Difference

The Difference

From Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul

The Difference

I never intended to become a run-of-the-mill person.

Barbara Jordan

When we consider the price the military pay for freedom, we need to remember the spouses. They pay a price, too. The funny thing about it is that most military spouses don’t consider themselves different from other husbands and wives. Is there a difference? I think there is.

Other spouses get married and look forward to building equity in a home and putting down family roots. Military spouses get married and know they’ll live in base housing or rent their homes. They must carry their roots with them, transplanting them frequently.

Other spouses decorate a home with a flair and personality that can last a lifetime. When military spouses decorate their homes, their flair is tempered with the knowledge that no two base houses have the same size windows or same size rooms. Curtains have to be flexible and multiple sets are a plus. Furniture must fit like puzzle pieces.

Other spouses have living rooms that are immaculate and seldomused. Military spouses have immaculate living-room/ dining-room combos. The coffee table got a scratch or two moving from Germany, but it still looks pretty good.

Other spouses say good-bye to their spouse for a business trip and know they won’t see them for a week. They are lonely, but can survive. Military spouses say good-bye to their deploying spouse and know they won’t see them for months; or for a remote, a year. They are lonely, but will survive.

Other spouses call Maytag when a washer hose blows off and then write a check for the repairman. Military spouses cut the water off and fix it themselves.

Other spouses are used to saying “hello” to friends they see all the time. Military spouses get used to saying “good-bye” to friends made over the last two years.

Other spouses worry about whether their child will be class president at school next year. Military spouses worry about whether their child will be accepted in yet another new school next year; and whether that school will be the worst in the city . . . again.

Other spouses can count on spouse participation in special events: birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, football games, graduations and especially the birth of a child. Military spouses only count on each other, because they realize that the flag has to come first if freedom is to survive. It has to be that way.

Other spouses put up yellow ribbons when the troops are imperiled across the globe and take them down when the troops come home. Military spouses wear yellow ribbons around their hearts—and they never take them off.

Other spouses worry about being late for Mom’s Thanksgiving dinner. Military spouses worry about getting back from Japan in time for Dad’s funeral.

Other spouses are touched by the television program showing an elderly lady putting a card down in front of a long, black wall that has names on it. The card simply says, “Happy birthday, sweetheart. You would have been sixty today.” A military spouse is the lady with the card. And the wall is the Vietnam Memorial.

I would never say military spouses are better or worse than other spouses. But I will say there is a difference. And I will say that our country asks more of military spouses than is asked of other spouses. And I will say, without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a price for freedom as do their active-duty husbands or wives. Perhaps the price they pay is even higher. They do what they have to do, bound together not only by blood or friendship, but with a shared spirit whose origin is in the very essence of what love truly is. Dying in service to our country is not nearly as hard as loving someone who has died in service to our country, and having to live without them.

God bless our military spouses for all they freely give. And God bless America.

Col. Steven A. Arrington

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