Facing the Lady in the Mirror

Facing the Lady in the Mirror

From Chicken Soup for the Dieter's Soul

Facing the Lady in the Mirror

Fitness—if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.

Cher

Pudgy, never quite good enough—that’s what the lady looking back at me from the mirror preached. I swallowed all of it.

My daughter’s Christmas present changed everything. It looked innocent enough: a few printed lines in an envelope. But my stomach turned inside out as I read them—a gift certificate for twenty-four fitness classes. My daughter smiled expectantly. I smiled back through clenched teeth.

That night, the lady in the mirror yelled at me. “Ignore the gift,” she said. “You can’t display your pudgy body at the gym.”

January came; the lady in the mirror convinced me to do nothing. February rolled around; she won again, and the guilt grew. March arrived; another round with my nemesis ended up in a screaming match. By the time April came, I stood up to her, for my daughter’s sake; I’d find a way to survive the humiliation. But she smiled wickedly. I stalled once more.

Out of excuses and scared to death, I eventually entered the dreaded fitness center on a Monday in May, wearing an oversized T-shirt and baggy sweatpants. The young girl at the desk was a size 2 at the most—she probably never ate a cookie in her life. She pointed to the aerobics room.

When I walked in, the lady in the mirror stared back at me. Who let her in? The entire front wall was one huge mirror, top to bottom, left to right! No place to hide. My pudgy arms, jiggly thighs and enormous buns looked back at me. I had to get out of there.

But just as I made my move to the door, the music started and the crowded room came into order. I was shoved into place. The instructor said the aerobic segment would last thirty-five minutes. Thirty-five little minutes— maybe I could survive them.

I did my best to move to the motivational music. The singer told me I looked good today, but she was lying. Ask the lady in the mirror, she’ll tell you. While the singer told me to give it my all, I cheated every place I could. I prayed no one would notice my smaller steps and heavy breathing. The lady in the mirror laughed. Then, the long thirty-five minutes were over.

I went home and had an ice cream sundae with an extra cherry on top.

Wednesday came around too fast, and the lady in the mirror convinced me to skip the aerobics class. I grabbed my favorite magazine, a candy bar and plopped myself on the couch. That’s when the phone rang. “You remember you have class today, Mom?”

I dragged my still sore body to the fitness center. The same size 2 girl sat at the front desk, and the same wall-to-wall mirror glared at me. The dreaded class started. Ten minutes into it, my skin dripped with sweat, and my nose screamed for me to get away from my own smelly self. But as I concentrated on the moves, my body woke me up from the inside out. The awkwardness left, and I enjoyed myself just a little bit.

After class, I bought a new pair of workout pants, the kind the other ladies wore. And I splurged for a red water bottle—if I was going to make it through the twenty-four classes, I’d do it in style! Take that, lady in the mirror!

Friday was rainy, and the lady in the mirror said to take it easy. But my new pants and water bottle called out to me. I went to class and survived. Three lessons under my belt! “Twenty-one to go!” the lady in the mirror scoffed.

When I got home, my daughter had left a little card waiting for me on the kitchen table. “One whole week done, Mom! Way to go.” This time, the lady in the mirror cringed as I smiled.

The awareness of my body snowballed into all of my life. I became more conscious of what I ate. I found myself choosing a few carrots instead of a candy bar. I drank water with lemon instead of that sugary soda. I made up a new dessert with baked apples and sugar-free Jell-O.

Twelve classes down the road, I was having fun, not needing to cheat quite as much anymore. One of the ladies said I looked smaller. I stepped on the scale when I got home—three pounds off! I wouldn’t boast to the lady in the mirror yet, but I smiled all evening and skipped dessert.

Over the weekend, at my son’s cross-country meet, I ran from one point to another to catch him on the trail. I noticed I didn’t run out of breath. Was I really getting fit? I decided I would try to run one whole mile at home the next Saturday.

“Who are you kidding?” the lady in the mirror said.

When Saturday came around, I laced my shoes, ignoring the lady in the mirror’s laughter. I started to run; one whole mile later, I stopped, my heart soaring. The lady in the mirror didn’t dare talk to me again that day.

My jeans got a bit too loose. I had fun buying a new pair. To celebrate, I went for another run; this time, I made it through the two-mile marker. Could I do three? That would be next week’s challenge.

With the twenty-four classes up, I signed up for another session. The numbers on the scale kept creeping down, ever so slowly. I ran each Saturday, pushing a bit farther each week. Me, the pudgy lady, running five miles! By now I found an almost permanent smile in my heart.

A year later and fifteen pounds lighter, I was loving every class, hardly ever missing a day. I moved from the back row to the front and even looked in the mirror occasionally. The lady staring back at me didn’t look too angry anymore. And most important, she had stopped telling me how ugly I was. At times she almost smiled.

My aerobics teacher got pregnant and taught through much of the pregnancy. At about her sixth month, she asked me to stay after class. When all the ladies were gone, she brought up the idea of me taking over her class.

The lady in the mirror stood up in a fury, back to her old tricks.

“I can’t,” I said. “I’m just a bit too pudgy, if you know what I mean . . .” She gave me a puzzled look.

“Would you at least give it a try? I’d teach you all you need to know until you can be certified,” the instructor persisted.

I dreamed on the way home, but the lady in the mirror turned mean, laughing out loud. I knew then that the confrontation was inescapable.

When home, I slowly walked up to the mirror, mentally preparing myself for the showdown. The lady in the mirror knew I couldn’t do without her. She had been my comfortable enemy, my safe escape from life. Would I survive the dare?

Taking a deep breath, I squared my body and braced myself to defend my newfound self. I opened my eyes to stare her down.

She just stood there, perfectly quiet.

I took a long, long look at her. She wasn’t the way I remembered her: the lady gazing back at me had a new air of confidence about her. I liked her; she looked lovely.

I burst out crying. She cried with me.

I filled out the application and was hired soon after. Since then, I have been certified as a group exercise instructor, and I teach fitness classes, daring women from all walks of life to stare down the lady in the mirror at first—and then to make her a best friend.

And we are winning, one mirror at a time.

Barbara A. Croce

Greek Rice

MAKES ABOUT 6 CUPS EACH 1.3 CUP: 4 GRAMS PROTEIN, 15 GRAMS CARBOHYDRATE

2 tablespoons pure-pressed extra virgin olive oil

1 diced small yellow onion

1 minced garlic clove

1½ cups long-grain brown rice, rinsed and drained

3 cups low-sodium chicken stock or 3 cups water

3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 teaspoons dried oregano

⅓ cup diced Kalamata olives

⅓ cup minced fresh parsley

freshly ground black pepper to taste

½ cup crumbled feta cheese

In a medium saucepan with a tight-fitting lid, heat oil over medium-high heat. When oil is hot, add onion and garlic and sauté until softened, about 5 minutes. Add rice and sauté 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add stock or water. Bring to a boil.

Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer 45 to 50 minutes. Remove from heat and let sit, covered and undisturbed, for 10 minutes. Remove lid and fluff ricewith a fork. Add lemon juice, oregano, Kalamata olives, parsley and black pepper. Stir in feta cheese and mix well. Taste, and adjust seasonings.

Reprinted from The Schwarzbein Principle Cookbook. ©1999 Diana Schwarzbein, M.D., Nancy Deville and Evelyn Jacob. Health Communications, Inc

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