AND STILL I SEARCH . . .

AND STILL I SEARCH . . .

From Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Love & Friendship

And Still I Search . . .

Ah yes, it’s all going to pay off, I used to think. Once I ask her out, things will be simple.

Well, that is, they would be simple . . . if the girl said yes. Fact of the matter is, I must not be attractive, because if I try to sit near them, they most certainly get up and walk away. They don’t make it obvious or anything; almost as if they are just making a trip to the vending machines or to see another friend a few feet away. And then there are my feeble attempts at small talk. Whatever comes out of my mouth, something will come out of theirs that is calculated simply to end the conversation and shut me up so they can spy on the guys they actually do like. I have made up my mind that girls simply don’t like me.

I’ve tried asking a girl out before, and boy did it go down in flames. It was a disaster beyond reasoning. You know, the sort of catastrophe you’d never see the likes of in a movie. It’s always the same: Boy pines for beautiful, unattainable girl, hooks up with less-attractive girl next door at the end. Problem is, there’s no girl next door for me. And since every other girl in my school qualifies as unattainable in comparison to the likes of me, Vegas odds-makers will tell you I don’t have a snowball’s chance. And, you know, once a girl has made up her mind that she doesn’t like you, that’s it. Girls are a wonder to behold, but they are incredibly stubborn. The second she puts you in that “Out” box, forget all about her. Move on. She’ll never set eyes on you again, so it’s not worth your time to chase somebody who’s already filed you away.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be in someone’s “In” box. It might not happen until I meet new girls. Go to college. Enter the workforce. I can already tell she’s out there somewhere, but she’s certainly not here. The looks on these girls’ faces when I walk around a corner or make eye contact don’t exactly do wonders for my self-confidence. So I’ve given up on girls for now. They just don’t seem to care. They will soon, though. Not these girls. Not at this place. Not now. Somewhere else I have yet to go. And that’s one of the little things that makes life worth waiting for, you know? Thinking the journey’s still in the future, still uncharted water, sort of helps me get through my day.

Oh, yes. This is supposed to be the part when I tell you that I’ve fallen in love with a great girl who really does like me, and I tell you never to give up. Nope. Hasn’t happened yet. And I can safely assure you it never will at my high school. You might say, “Well, of course it won’t with that attitude!” But an optimistic outlook wouldn’t do any good, either. I used to be optimistic about it, but that got me nowhere.

However, there is a point to all this, and it goes something like this: She’s out there. She’s just not at your high school. So you’re going to have to wait. Do some homework to occupy your time until then.

Brian Firenzi

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