From Chicken Soup for the Soul in Menopause

The Menopause Blues

These menopausal sweats and shivers and shakes!
Lord, they’re really more than a body can take!
One moment I am hot, and the next I feel cold,
Yet I’m told it’s all to do with my “growing old!”

My teeth and my hair are departing from my head,
And my figure is developing that “hourglass” spread.
Wrinkles fast are multiplying all in a race,
To see which can be first to disfigure my face.

I need some new glasses to read the fine print,
And my joints squeal in protest if I have to do a sprint.
Although my needs are plenty and my pleasures are few,
My bones refuse to do what I tell them to do.

My heart palpitates at twice the given rate,
Yet when I need some energy, it’s several beats late!
The very simplest chores have now become a huge task,
And if you want help, dear, please don’t ask!

Sometimes I forget where I put things down,
Or even where I’ve parked the #$%& car downtown!
One day I am happy, but the next I’m full of tears,
And I often feel I haven’t slept for seven hundred years!

To those lovely women out there who have aged with
    such grace,
Either someone’s lying, or I’m quite a disgrace!
And to other ladies following, whose praises now I sing!
Ignore all the advice, and just do your own thing!

What was that you said, dear? I didn’t quite hear,
But then, you know, I’m slightly deaf in my other ear.
In any case, please tell me, Lord, this won’t last long,
Or these “menopause blues” could be my very last song!

Valerie J. Palmer

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