Help dealing with breakup

Help dealing with breakup

First a little background about myself and situation. I am a divorced man in his late 40's with three children ages 10-16 with whom I split custody with my ex wife. Our divorce is amicable and she recently got engaged. I am happy for her. We became legally divorced about 3 months ago but had been separated for 14 months before that.

After my ex wife moved out in Feb of 2013 and I re-entered the dating world in late May of the same year. I only had a handful of dates, all met online, before I met somebody special. It was great right from the start. I was very lucky to have met this person almost immediately. Although some would say this was simply a rebound relationship that was doomed to fail.

Everything was always great. Never fought, lots of fun together, great sex life, she helped me become a better, more positive, healthy person. A huge positive force in my life. I was in love and I told her. She never said it to me. After 6 months she broke up with me because she said she wasn't in love with me and at our age we couldn't afford to be in a just great relation ship if she didn't feel it would eventually end in marriage. It wasn't fair to either of us she said. I was a mess and after only two weeks I made my plea to get back together to give it more time for her to feel the way she thought she needed to feel at that point in our relationship. She took what I said to heart and we got back together.

Everything was great once again. I backed off a bit on my very outward affection to her for fear that that scared her off before. It wasn't a real pull back, more like I just didn't tell her how much I loved her and things like that. However my actions spoke louder than words and she still knew how I felt even if I didn't verbalized it.

We continued our relationship. I met more of her family, she met mine. We traveled a bit together. There were even times I sensed that she had truly fallen in love with me but either couldn't admit it to herself or wasn't ready to say it. That was ok. Six more months pass and a few days after celebrating our 1 yr anniversary together she breaks up with me for the same reason. It is now about three weeks later and I still constantly think about her and when the timing might be right to try to get back together once.again. We have kept in touch on a friendly basis. She has been very good in asking how I'm doing, being concerned for me, etc. she even said just 1 week after the break up that she wanted to be friends and hoped we could go out together as friends sometime. We did that the other day and that rekindled more emotions for me.

How long should I wait before I try to get her back again? How should I do it? Ask to start all over again, very slowly, like go on a first date again? Or do I go full in and really give it everything I've got. Flowers, letters, etc? Help, I'm a mess!

jamessoup Jul. 07, 2014, 3:41 AM | In Love & Relationships | Replies (3)

3 Replies

Kittykat_ll's picture

There isn't anything you can do. I'm sorry but you can't make someone feel something they don't. The best thing you can do is cut ties and move on because, again, you can't make someone love you. Either they do or they don't. I'm sorry to be so blunt but instead of you thinking their is hope in this becoming a relationship you should move on. Take some time for your self you went from one relationship right into another so take some time and love yourself then when your ready the right woman will come along.
Take care
Lisa

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roinoir's picture

Hello James, if I mas so it seems that you are truly willing and able to be committed,however she is not.She obviously doesn't want what you want in a relationship and she stills craves freedom and the ability to cut and run with no repercussions.If you continue to pursue her in this way you will only get hurt.Look,it's probably a good idea to let her make up mind,because she definitely isn't as broken up by the frequent break ups as you are,by the way I'm Noel...

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beefrgson56's picture

I agree with roinoir. You have already done ALL that you can in this relationship.
If you treated her well then go on with your life knowing that you treated her with respect and love on your part.
Cut ALL ties and just wish her well.
Being friends with her would only prolong the inevitable and feelings that you have that are clearly NOT on her part.
God Bless and know that in time you will meet someone who will appreciate YOU as you are.

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